If you’ve been living in America this holiday season, you’ve no doubt been told the following, “Yah, man, Avatar was great. I liked it better than I expected. But you GOTTA see it in 3D.” Ok, perhaps this person didn’t call you “man” if you’re a female or don’t live in California, but regardless, someone has told you to see Avatar in theaters and in 3D. Last night I took that someone’s orders, and it literally made me sick to my stomach.
After an excellent weigh-in eve spent eating cereal for breakfast and some grilled vegetable/spaghetti squash situation from the gym café(yes, I even worked out first), I met up with a friend from camp for dinner, where I enjoyed some salmon skewers (hello lean protein). Then, at 8:30, when she asked what else we should do, I suggested a movie. Then, at 8:30:20, when she asked what movies were out, I suggested Avatar. Then, at 8:35 when Fandango on her iPhone provided local listings for Avatar showtimes, I suggested we go for the big kaboom and see it not only in 3D, but in IMAX 3D. Showtime: 10:00 pm. From 8:40-9:47 we went on some San Francisco adventures, driving down the ever crooked Lombard Street and back and forth across the Golden Gate Bridge (she’s from out of town, I don’t just do touristy things in my own city whenever I have time to kill). At 9:48 we walked into the Leow’s Metreon Theater lobby, only to find that the 10:00 Avatar in IMAX 3D was sold out. Take a sign? Nope.
We bought tickets for the 10:30 layman (by which I mean LAMEman) 3D Avatar and snuck right on in to the last two seats in the IMAX theater, grabbing a pair of the special IMAX glasses on the way. The IMAX 3D glasses are the old school, theme park attraction shades, not those stylish shrink wrapped RealD goggles they handed us when we bought our tickets. The fact that the eyewear is different should have been my first sign of disaster. The fact that our seats were two rows back from the screen should have been my second sign. To be fair, I also said that the movie being sold out was a sign, so technically those were signs two and three, not one and two. However you number them, I ignored them all. For a few brief minutes, the film was the dazzling spectacle all had promised. You know, James Cameron really creates a world. Then the nausea and headaches set in. I spent most of the film with the futuristic glasses perched on my head and my eyes closed. Not that it mattered, Avatar’s not much of a visual film. Then, roughly between the ultimate and penultimate human vs. navi battles, I went to the bathroom and vommed up everything I just ate. I felt awful, disgusting, but I couldn’t but think of the time my good friend Sarah once informed me and an entire group of 14 year-olds with borderline eating disorders that it’s never a bad idea to throw-up because it undoes all the calories. Thanks to Ms. Friedman’s sagely advice, I am proudly reporting a 3.8 lb loss for my first weigh-in.
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